Without You
by luos tsol
Summary: The lights in Magnus' apartment were out but Jace wasn't going to let that stop him, Magnus needed to know what he had done to Alec. He needed to leave. Warning! Possible Triggers
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Mortal Instruments**

Poison scorched through his body and burned him from the inside. The pain was immense but he ignored it to kill the monster that had attacked him. The pain was his release from the emptiness he dealt with every second of everyday. Living without a heart was harder than he thought it would be. He would do anything to feel again. Anything. His blade pierced the demons kill spot at the same moment that Jace came running into his blurring vision. The demon disintegrated leaving only a small pile of ash and the poison in his veins. His legs buckled and Jace caught him seconds before his head slammed against the stained pavement. But he didn't mind because he was feeling.

"Dammit Alec! What were you thinking!?" Jace yelled in Alec's face, but he just smiled weakly.

"I did it though. All by myself," he was proud of what he had done even though he was about to die.

"Do you realize that you might just die one of these times? How many times can your body take this poison until it just doesn't take it anymore? Alec are you trying to kill yourself because if you are you might just get your wish," Jace frowned and called Isabelle to tell her to have someone there to help when he finally got Alec back to the Institute. "Okay buddy let's try to get your home. You're lucky that he are only three blocks away, any further and I don't think we would be able to make it," Jace smiled grimly and picked him up bridle style and started running.

Izzy was waiting at the door for them when they made it back to the Institute. Jace walked the rest of the way to Alec's room and dropped him on the bed, panting hard. Alec's face was paler than normal and sweat was beading on his forehead. Jace sat down on the edge of Alec's bed like so many times before and began to wipe the sweat away with a damp towel supplied by Izzy. Everyday Alec would disappear only to come stumbling through the door in the wee hours of the morning, and more often than not he would he hurt in some way.

"Why do you think he does this?" Jace asked when he was breathing evenly again.

"It has to be about Magnus. He still won't answer my texts, not even when I tell him that Alec is dying and needs healed. Whatever happened between them had to be what is causing Alec to be like this," Izzy was leaning against the wall beside the door waiting for the latest healer to come fix her elder brother.

Within minutes the room was bustling with people trying to help Alec, but they had no idea what demon had poisoned him, because he had killed it before Jace got a good look. After ten minutes someone gave him a pill and left to tell the adults, because the people tending him weren't good enough. Jace watched expectantly and when Alec finally opened his eyes he sighed and left. No matter how much he loved the boy he just couldn't talk to him. Everything he had to say had already been said to him and it was obvious he had no desire to listen.

Izzy followed shortly afterwards and found Jace in the weapons room throwing knives at a dart board. Izzy watched him for a few minutes, allowing him to get his aggression out. She wanted to do something like that too, but one of them had to be sensible.

"Jace you do know that a dart board is made for _darts_ right?" Izzy walked over to him and took the knives away from him.

"What the fuck Izzy!" Jace turned around to face her, but when he saw the look of exhaustion in her eyes he stopped. "I just don't understand Izzy. Why does he have to do this? Aren't we good enough for him!?" Tears welled up in Jace's eyes and Izzy dropped the knife before taking him in her arms.

"Jace, he doesn't know what else to do. He just wants to do something that will take his mind off the fact that Magnus is gone. I really don't think he even knows that he is hurting us, he's never home long enough to see that nobody even talks anymore." Izzy held Jace as his tears stained her shirt. Jace took Alec's state the worse because he always felt like he should be faster. He always talked about that he could have stopped it if he had only been there a few seconds earlier.

"Then maybe we just need to force him to stay home and see the truth." Jace wiped off his face and left the room. Izzy knew that Jace thought he was doing the right thing but she knew that there was nothing that could help Alec except for Alec…or maybe Magnus. But that would never happen. Izzy had a feeling that whatever happened between Alec and Magnus wasn't ever going to get fixed. She somehow knew that she and the others would never see Magnus again, well unless Alec left.

Jace walked into Alec's room and found Alec sleeping, the only thing he ever did when home. Jace pulled up a chair and watched as the boy who was like a brother to him clutched the shirt of a man that would never return.

* * *

Hours later Jace was still watching Alec when it happened. It started with Alec just twitching, moving in his sleep. But the movement became violent and his breathing became harsh. The words came last and they cut Jace open.

"I love you! Please Magnus don't leave me. I've tried to kill myself Magnus and I just can seem to get it right. Help me."

With that Jace stood up and pulled Alec into his chest, where he woke up and started crying. Alec silent sobbing caused his shoulders to shake and Jace's shirt to become drenched. Jace rubbed circles on Alec's back and swore over and over to himself that Magnus would pay for what he did. About twenty minutes later Alec fell asleep again, and that was when he noticed Izzy standing in the doorway.

"I'm going to go out Iz. I need you to stay here and watch him for me. Don't let him leave okay?" Jace stood up and walked out without letting Izzy answer him.

* * *

The lights in Magnus' apartment were out but Jace wasn't going to let that stop him, Magnus needed to know what he had done to Alec. He needed to leave. Jace pressed the buzzer hoping Magnus would answer. Minutes later a groggy Magnus sounded through the speaker.

"Please tell me why I was just awoken?"

"Because Magnus we need to talk." Jace was angry but he forced his voice to come out calm.

"I can tell that you won't leave until you say what you need to so please come up." Jace took the stairs two at a time and found the door open at the top waiting for him. He slammed the door closed behind him and looked for Magnus, who was sitting on the couch like nothing was wrong.

"We keep trying to get ahold of you but you never seem to care." Jace folded his arms across his chest defensively as he said this.

"Maybe I just don't want to know what you are saying." Magnus' cat jumped into his lap and he kissed its head.

"Do you know what I had to do today, and every single day since you left?"

"No, but seeing as I have been ignoring you, you would know that already." Magnus shifted his legs underneath himself curling up like the cat his eye reminded Jace of.

"Today I ran the streets looking for Alec. Trying to find a broken boy with a death wish isn't easy. And when I did find him Magnus he was poisoned by the demon he had been fighting, and it isn't the first time I have found him that way." Magnus shifted at the mention of Alec, "And tonight when he was sleeping after a random healer fixed him, he had a nightmare Magnus. And who do you think it was fucking about!?" Jace stalked over to Magnus and wrapped his hands around his neck.

"I want so bad to kill you Magnus. He whispered that he was trying to kill himself. He was talking to you. I held him when he woke up crying, you broke a boy that never did anything to you. He isn't okay Magnus and we both know you caused this." Jace's hands gripped harder, "I think it would be best for everyone if you just disappeared. No one will call you anymore. Just leave Magnus, because this town doesn't need you." Jace released Magnus and walked to the door.

"Whatever is best," Magnus said as Jace left the apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to the talented Cassandra Clare. **

As the door of Magnus' apartment closed a single tear fell down his face. Why would Alec do such a thing because of him? He was only a selfish warlock. Alec was a bright star and Magnus has caused him to go supernova. Magnus threw a pillow across the room and it thumped against the wall.

A scream pierced the still air and objects began launching themselves at the walls. The raging part of Magnus that he had managed to keep hidden was emerging. He stormed through his brightly decorated apartment, light bulbs blowing as he went past them. Once in his room he stared at the canary bed spread that clashed with his recently redecorated room, yet he couldn't get rid of it. It brought back so many memories and getting rid of it wasn't something Magnus had been able to do.

He tore his eyes from the comforter and grabbed a black suitcase from his large closet, and began filling it with enough to last him at least a week. By then he should have a new name and home. Maybe even friends to make it complete. He pulled a duffle bag from the dark corners of his closet and walked over to his vanity. It was littered with the makeup that he used daily. He swiped his arm across it and all the tubes, brushes, and containers went tumbling into the bag. He stopped and pulled out the makeup remover, which he then started using on his face. He was going to leave this house pure. Finally Magnus pulled out a pink bedazzled cat carrier and called for Chairman Meow. The little puff ball launched itself out from under the bed and Magnus caught him and placed him in the carrier. Magnus calmed down and walked to the door where he placed the suitcase, duffle bag, and carrier. At that point Magnus sat down at the kitchen table and started writing.

_Dear Alec,_

_ Today a friend of mine showed up at my doorstep with unsettling news. At first I didn't want to take this friend seriously because he is quite annoying to me, but I knew that he would never lie when it comes to you. He grabbed me and told me that you have been dreaming about me. Now normally I would be pleased by this but in our current position it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I just wanted you to forget me. I never wanted to hurt you. Everything that I have ever done is to keep you safe._

_ My dearest I wonder what would have happened if I had answered the phone the first time they called to say a demon had poisoned you. I came so close that time, I cried for hours afterward hoping that they would find the right medicine to save you. Black splotches stain every pillow in my apartment from crying so much. I should have stopped wearing makeup but I always wanted to look expectable in case I was to see you. All I ever wanted was to see you again, but it was also the one thing I feared the most. I knew that if I had to see you again I wouldn't be able to control myself. I knew that if I saw you again we would end up in a place that I knew wasn't safe._

_ I love you so much, and to hear that you are doing what you are doing is like being stabbed in the chest. I know that you miss me but death will not make the pain any less. I have thought on this subject a lot, and have come to realize this. Let your family help you Alec, they are putting themselves in danger chasing you around and I know that you care about them. Even if you are still in pain, think of them first. They might end up dead Alec, and then where would you be? Alone, hurting, and poisoned with no one to find you. There would be no Jace to pick you up and run you to the Institute. There would be no Izzy to try and get me to come. There would be no one. Where you are now Alec, is amazing. Never think that just because I am gone means that you have nothing. _

_ Now I am going to say this and I want you to know that I mean it. I love you and that is why I must leave. My friend told me that it would be best that I leave and I am going to listen, because all that my presence is doing is causing you pain. My being here is even causing me pain. Today Alec I want you to stop what you are doing and start fresh. Forget about me, because I am not important. Just one man in a world full of other men._

_Love you forever and ever,_

_Magnus Bane_

Magnus spilled tears on the paper and the ink was runny but that didn't matter. It would never get to sweet Alec, because he wasn't going to send it. Slowly Magnus stood up and walked out of his house, but he would be coming back. He walked to the closest store and bought a few containers of starter fluid. He knew what he was doing, but he also knew that it was what needed to be done. Alec had to know that he wasn't going to be coming back. He wasn't going to beg Alec to take him back like he had thought about doing so many times over. He wanted going to interfere at all and Alec needed to know that. This was the easiest way to let him know.

When Magnus got back he put down his grocery bag and took his suitcase, cat, and makeup outside where they would await his return. He needed those, and leaving them in the house was too dangerous. He picked up the lighter fluid and walked into his room. He began with the canary yellow bed. He doused it in gas and then wet the floor around it. He then created a train from the bed to the closet where he pulled all the clothes down and created a bonfire.

When the he was done with the bottle and the bedroom he grabbed a new bottle and made a trail connecting the bedroom and the kitchen. There he doused the floor, picked up his letter, and made a trail to the living room. He covered every surface with gas. The couch where he and Alec had spent so many nights, the television where he and Alec had watched movies till they fell asleep, the walls where pictures of Alec still resided because Magnus hadn't been able to take them down. Finally he made his way to the door where he made a giant puddle.

Standing on the top step of the stairs to freedom, Magnus took the letter in his right hand and held it out. Magic flooded his arm and the paper caught fire at the tips of his fingers. He let the paper burn for a minute before he dropped it into the gas. The gas caught fire and blazed around the apartment. All the memories were gone now, and Magnus hoped that helped everyone to move on.

He slowly walked down the stairs for the final time, tears falling down his face for the third and last time that day. He was tired of all the crying and it wasn't helping anyone. He turned around and watched the fire from the street before wiping his face off and grabbed his only belongings. He was off to find a new home.

* * *

Alec was sitting in the living room beside Jace watching the local news. This was an easy way to find where the trouble was. He was staring off into oblivion thinking of someone who dominated his thoughts, when the news caught his attention.  
"Minutes ago the fire department was called to an apartment fire," Said the fake blonde reporter. Then a video of the fireman working on the fire came up, and the air was sucked from Alec's lungs. It was Magnus'. "The fire department had yet to figure out if the occupants were able to get out. They are also unable to tell us at this time if the fire was an accident or not." Alec looked over at Jace and saw him shaking his head

Alec fought for breath. Magnus might be dead. He might not be alive, but he would have gotten out. Magnus was smarter than that. Then again Alec was smarter than to so what he had been doing, and he did it anyway. Pain raked across Alec's stomach and he ran to the bathroom. Bile burned his throat as he expelled every meal he had had that day. When he was done he cleaned up and went to his room. He curled up in his bed and hugged Magnus's shirt to his chest. Tears stained his pillows and cheeks, but he didn't care. He just wished Magnus hadn't left.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Alrighty, so I am sorry this is so late. I hit a brick wall called AP classes. This chapter was written to help me calm down, because my exams are coming up. I really wanted to write this, and I was writing things down, but things happened. Like they got washed, ripped up, or pop spilled on them. Forgive me. The next chapter should be out within a month. **

** Warning: There are triggers in this chapter and therefore in chapters to follow too. Also major spoilers for all of the Mortal Instruments and for the Infernal Devices too.**

** Disclaimer: I am not the talented Cassandra Clare thus I don't own The Mortal Instruments.**

Jace let out a shallow breath and continued to stare at the wall above the television. Panic bubbled in his stomach and with each breath his heart beat sped up. Soon he was hyperventilating with no idea how to stop. Izzy walked into the living room just as his vision was beginning to turn black. She rushed over to Jace and began rubbing his back and telling him to breath.

"Leave me alone. Go to Alec," Jace knew that he was doing much better than Alec. Alec, who's ex-boyfriend had just set fire to his house. Alec who was broken before what Jace had done. Why had he done that!?

"Jace please calm down, I won't go talk to Alec until you are able to tell me why I need to," Izzy crossed her arms determinedly. Jace took a few more slow breaths before answering.

"Alec and I were watching the news and then a story came up. Just a few minutes ago a house fire was reported, and when they showed a picture it was Magnus' apartment. You should have seen Alec's face," tears threatened to overflow Jace's eyes as he remembered the pain on Alec's face.

"Alright Jace, I'm going to go talk to Alec. Don't do anything stupid," Izzy walked out knowing that Jace was going to go for a walk, that was what he always did when he couldn't breathe.

Izzy made her way through the institute and into Alec's dark room. The curtains were closed and the lights were off making it hard to walk to the bed where Izzy knew Alec would be. Once she made her way to bed she turned on a table lamp and stared at the lump of dark blue blankets in the middle of the bed. She tugged on the blankets and pulled them back to reveal Alec clutching a shirt that Izzy knew was Magnus'. Tears were running tracts down his cheeks and she could tell that pain was overtaking his heart.

Alec opened his eyes and Izzy stared into the blue orbs so filled with pain and sadness that it took all she had in herself to keep from crying with him. Alec feebly rolled over and let out a soft sob. Izzy swallowed down the lump forming in her throat and joined Alec on the bed, hugging him to her chest. Alec pulled away and turned to look at her with anger in his eyes, a blue flame igniting.

"Go away Izzy," he clutched the shirt harder and wiped the tears from his face. But all that Izzy did was wait for him to look back up at her, to see that what he really wanted was to be held. She sat on the edge of his bed and reached out her arms, inviting him, he hiccupped and let himself fall into the hug. She stroked his disheveled hair and let his tears stain her shirt.

"Izzy do you ever feel like everything is for nothing? I mean no matter how much I cry I'm still going to be sad, and no matter how many monsters we kill there will always be more," Alec had finally stopped his tears.

"Alec everything happens for a reason. We may have to kill millions of downworlders before this is over, but it will end, just as you will stop hurting," Alec ran a hand through is mused hair.

"Izzy this is so wrong. I feel so weak having my little sister tell me everything will be alright. I should be the one giving you advice about life," Izzy grabbed his wrist stopping him from running his hand through his hair again.

"Alec you are the strongest person I know."

"How am I strong?" he genuinely didn't know how he was strong.

"You being you. You came out and that makes you ten times stronger than anyone else. You are strong because you have loved and been loved in return," Izzy hugged him and he let the tension slip from his shoulders. He was strong. He had let the world know that he loved a man, and the truth was that he still did and probably always would love that man. Alec would always love Magnus, and he never wanted to forget that.

"Thank you Izzy," she smiled at Alec and left knowing that things would be getting better, or at least she hoped they would.

* * *

Rain splattered against the pane of glass in front of Alec, like his tears on the floor. It had been six months. He tried to not let it get to him, but as he looked out the window at the bleak grey sky it was hard not to. The way the sky had turned dark when Alec remembered what today was only made things worse. Alec didn't want to mourn Magnus, he hadn't died after all, but the rest of the world seemed like it wanted to. Alec was pulled from his dark thoughts by Church, who had jumped into his lap, craving attention. Alec stroked the cat and tried to forget.

What seemed like hours later Church's claws dug into Alec's thighs pulling him from his reprieve. He looked behind him to find Izzy standing in his doorway, looking beautiful, like always. She walked forward and placed a hand on his shoulder and Church promptly jumped off of Alec. As the cat left Izzy finally spoke.

"So we are going to go out, do you want to come?"

"And who is this 'we' you speak of?" Alec already knew the answer, but asked the question anyway.

"Just Jace and Clary, and Simon and I," she flashed a smile at Alec trying to get him agree, but he didn't want to be the odd one out, surrounded by couples on the day that he just wanted to be totally alone.

"Izzy I don't really feel like doing anything today," and he wasn't lying.

"Alright, fine. I don't want to force you into anything, but you have to move on eventually," with those words ringing in Alec's mind, Izzy kissed him on the cheek and left saying they would be home late. Left alone Alec's thoughts went right back to Magnus. He didn't want that and thought maybe training would help to clear his head.

Hours later Alec was pulling knives out of the training room wall, none of which were on the target. He was much too distracted to actually hit the target like he should have been doing. Now he just wanted it all to go away. He circled back to the middle of the room, preparing to throw again.

_" I'll be out all day," _ Alec threw a knife at the target blindly, not surprised when it hit the wall inches away. The knife was meant to destroy the voice in his head not the target on the wall.

_"Come and get your things out of the apartment," _Magnus' deep voice continued to bounce through his head, voicing the most horrid words ever said to him. Alec again let loose a knife and watched it hit the outer shell of the target painted on the wall. He knew what was going to come next.

"_Leave your key," _Alec felt angry tears fill his eyes as Magnus continued to speak to him. It was so long ago and yet it still managed to haunt him. He threw the last knife and gasped when the point grazed the soft skin on his wrist. A crimson red line formed and began to run down his arm. The red drops falling on the floor, captured his attention.

"_It's over. I don't want to see you again Alec," _the harsh words were spoken quietly rather than the incessant yelling like before. It was like the crimson blood was muffling the memory. The light cut was teasing Alec, telling him that if he went deeper that the voice would go away completely. He slowly walked over to the wall littered with knifes, the pleasurable feelings fading away, and pulled them out. Hand filled with knives Alec walked back to the middle of the room, where he promptly dropped all the knives save for the one already lightly crusted with his blood.

"Aku cinta kamu," Alec placed the tip against his skin, hand shaking. He barely heard the foot steps behind him due to Magnus screaming in his head. He pulled the sharp blade across the white flesh of his wrist.

"Alec?" The voice triggered Alec's brain, stilling his body and throwing him into a memory containing a thirteen year old Jace.

_" Alec?" Jace stood in the doorway of the training room watching Alec throw knives to no avail. He couldn't get them to him the center like Izzy could, and she was younger than him _and_ a girl. _

_ "What is it Jace!?" Alec snapped at the boy._

_ "If you spread your legs a little and loosen your shoulders, you would do better. You just need to try less," Jace walked over and plucked the knife from Alec's hand and threw it, hitting the center of the target with no effort. "You're thinking too much." Alec looked at Jace with contempt in his eyes, but he did as he was instructed. Alec let go of one more knife, but it still didn't hit the target._

_ "I just can't do this!" Alec handed all the knives to Jace._

_ "Don't worry Alec, I will teach you. All you have to do is promise me you will get me in the heart the first time, if something goes wrong." The words had frightened Alec. _

"Alec!" Alec was drawn back to reality where a sixteen year old Jace was watching drops of Alec's blood fall to the floor. Alec dropped the knife in his hand and watched Jace run up to him. Alec stared blankly as Jace examine his cut up arm, a frown slowly spreading across his face.

"Alec what were you doing?" Jace had looked up into Alec's eyes.

"I was distracted and the knife slipped," Alec steeled his face, erecting a mask to hide his broken emotions from Jace's prying eyes. Alec pulled his stele from the waistband of his jeans and drew an iratze on his upper arm. The wounds closed up slowly leaving only slightly puckered pink lines.

"Well we're back and we were going to watch _Dead Poet Society_, did you want to join us?" Alec wanted to say no. He wanted to stay where he was and relish in the pleasure brought on by the knife. That was what he wanted, but he knew that if he said no Jace would know that something was wrong.

"Yeah, sure," Jace smiled. Alec had spent way too much time making everyone think he was getting better to risk the mask being shattered now.

* * *

Magnus sat shivering under a blanket thinking maybe he was in too deep. Woolsey hadn't been home in the last week and three months of using had left him wholly dependent on the syringe. He hadn't had the welcomed lift brought on by the prick of a needle and the injection of clear fluid in three days. Magnus had searched the house, torn everything apart, but Woolsey had left nothing. He needed the drug.

Slowly Magnus leaned back in the couch, hating the feeling of this t-shirt plastered to his back by sweat. He thought of the slight pinch of the needle, the beautiful pain. He craved the feeling; it was the only thing on his mind. He needed the pain to bring the pleasure. Magnus was slipping off into a fitful sleep when the front door opened.

Woolsey walked in wearing his scrubs, like he had only been away at work. Upon seeing Magnus lying on the couch Woolsey pulled a vile out of his chest pocket and threw it at him. Magnus pawed at the blanket on top of him until he felt the cool glass beneath his fingers. He clutched it in his shaking had and stumbled off to his room.

"Someone sure is needy," Woolsey's joking voice sang throughout the house.

"Asshole," Magnus mumbled as he prepared to inject himself. He slowly injected the needle into the scab riddled skin of his inner elbow, and pushed the stopper. Warmth spread through his body relieving the cold sweats he was having. A smile spread across his face at the blissful feeling. Several minutes later Woolsey sauntered into his room, chest bare and pants riding low, showing his lack of underclothing. Woolsey smirked as Magnus' eyes raked up and down his toned body.

* * *

It was almost ten when a knock sounded on the institute door. It was quite unusual for them to have visitors and unheard of for them to come this late at night. Alec got up from his place on the floor and walked to the large front door. He didn't know what to expect, but it sure wasn't what he saw.

In front of him stood a young woman, no older than himself, wearing a beautiful white sundress. Her hair was pinned up in an intricate braid, and her eyes showed only worry. There was something terribly wrong, and her voice did nothing to hide her feelings.

"You must be Alexander Lightwood."


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is shorter, but it is also Magnus based so I hope that makes up for that. Let me now what you think. ;)**

Magnus rolled on his bed, and noticed too late that there was no more bed for him to roll onto. The fall to the floor felt like his fall from his high. He hated the feeling, and yet he still refused to give the drugs up. The high was too pleasurable. Magnus pulled himself off the floor, glancing at his bed to find Woolsey monopolizing it. He quickly looked away from the werewolf and walked down the wall to the large bathroom they shared. Without looking at himself in the mirror, Magnus stripped off his silk sleep pants and climbed into a bathtub large enough to fit three people.

In the dry tub, Magnus pulled his knees to his chest and tried to keep his mind clear. He didn't want to take anything today, he tried to make it at least a day between highs, and it helped him feel better about what he was doing. He thought that if he could go a day then he could say he wasn't really addicted. But he needed the drugs to keep a certain boy from his thoughts, and that was what kept him taking them.

He leaned forward, turning on the hot water. He let the scolding water burn the imperfections from his body. The tub filled up slowly, giving Magnus time to examine his skin. His stomach was covered in hickeys, and his sides had bruises from Woolsey's fingers. He looked at his arms and beside from the tracts, he had more bruises. Magnus exhaled loudly, the old ones had only just gone away.

"Magnus this needs to stop," Woolsey yelled from the other side of the closed bathroom door. _No kidding_, thought Magnus.

"What is it exactly that needs to stop?" Magnus turned off the water and stretched out.

"The hospital is starting to wonder where the morphine is going. I can't risk being caught Mag. You know I love you baby, but either you quit or find a new supplier," Magnus could hear Woolsey slide down the door until he was sitting on the floor.

"What if I paid you to buy me downworlder drugs?" He begged.

"Mag, why is it that I have to do this?" He would never understand.

"Because I don't want anyone to start spreading rumors," he picked up a bottle of raspberry scented shampoo, and lathered it into his hair.

"No, you just don't want anyone to tell your boy toy where you are," Woolsey banged his head off the bathroom door.

"Damn it! I told you to not bring him up. I don't ever want to talk about this matter again. I will get my own drugs, happy!?" Magnus slapped the water.

"Baby don't be angry at me, I was only speaking the truth. You don't have to get your own drugs, I will do it. I have connections," Magnus heard Woolsey pick himself off the floor and walk away, and with that he fell back into the water. Woolsey had mentioned Alec, and he was weaseling his way into all of Magnus' thoughts. Mainly he wondered what he would think, if he knew what Magnus was doing. Alec's beautiful blue eyes flashed in Magnus' vision forcing him to remember the last emotion he ever saw in them.

The bright sparkle in those baby blues, turned dark like a stormy sea, by hurtful words spouted from Magnus' own mouth. The deep seeded compassion reflected by those eyes, crushed by a heavy burden. Really the change had started before Magnus had broken up with Alec. Alec had developed a darker side, one he had hid quite well. A side of him that was capable of lying and breaking hearts.

Sure it was Magnus's fault that they were no longer together, but it was Alec's fault that his heart was broken. Magnus had vowed to stay away from shadowhunters and yet when Alec had stepped into his party he had been unable to resist his eyes. They were so deep and Magnus had wanted a glimpse at what lay at the bottom of them. This desire had led to heartbreak, but was Alec really in the wrong?

Magnus had questioned every day for the last six months if maybe he had overreacted. Sure Alec had gone about ever thing the wrong was, but Magnus knew why he was doing it. All those times that Magnus had brought up the fact that Alec would die and he wouldn't, had gotten to the boys mind. He only wanted everyone to be happy, was that so wrong?

But the thing that always made Magnus stop was the thought that he had gone behind his back. He hadn't brought it up to Magnus, who was also looking for the same thing, he had gone to _Camille. _With that final thought Magnus burst forth out of the bath water, gasping for breath. He needed the boy out of his mind. He wanted the drugs, the high and clear brain.

Magnus stepped out of the tub, and the cold water drip off of him on to the tiled floor. He plunged his hand into the murky water and pulled the plug letting the water drain away. Still naked, Magnus walked out of the bathroom and into his room. His eye glanced around the room before he walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of golden spandex boxers. He pulled them on and found his way to his bed. He sat there for several minutes contemplating what to do. He wanted it, but he knew he shouldn't.

Finally Magnus gave into his desire and grabbed his supplies off of his night stand. He carefully prepared the syringe, taking great care to get all the air bubbles out. Magnus then positioned the needle's point on his thigh and started lifting it to plunge deep within his skin, when Woolsey grabbed his arm. Woolsey pried Magnus's fingers off of the syringe and injected it all back into the vile, anger in his eyes the entire time

"You said you used twice, three times max, a week, not twice in a single day," Woolsey yelled as he stuck the vile into his back pocket. He then proceeded to turn around and walk out quickly.

"Please, don't do this," Magnus pleaded as he followed behind the werewolf.

"What do you want me to do Mag? I can't let you destroy yourself. Every time I turn around you are doing something stupid," Woolsey turned to look at Magnus, whose eyes were needy.

"I don't know how else to get him out of mind. I need him gone, Woolsey. I can't deal with his eyes, his voice, it kills me. Help me, deal with this," Magnus' eyes brimmed with tears ready to spill over.

Woolsey stepped up to Magnus and clutched him to his chest. He was so broken and he had no idea how to fix it. He was sure thought that the way that Magnus wanted to fix it wasn't the right way. Woolsey walked Magnus to his room where he tucked him in like a small child and watched him as he fell into a tear induced sleep.


End file.
